How are you?
I'm fine thanks. Yourself?
Can I reproduce your writing?
Not without asking me first. Everything on this site is copyrighted, with all rights reserved, blah blah blah. Which basically means you need my permission before you can print so much as one line of micro fiction in your scout newsletter. However, you'll find that I'm very easily bribed and open to offers, big, small, or stupid. In fact, if you want to reproduce my work in a non-profit capacity (eg. on your own website), I'm unlikely to demand much more than a credit and a link back to my site. But you do need to get my permission first. So wander over to my contact page and get in touch.
Can my ragtag band of thespians stage one of your plays?
You can. In fact I insist that you do. But yes, you've guessed it, you need my permission first. Professional productions will naturally require some form of payment on your part, but I'm famed for my naive generosity, so if you're an amateur group feel free to plead poverty and I may well take pity on you and let you stage my play for nothing more than a couple of free tickets and a cornish pasty at the interval. So get in touch and ask.
Are you available for freelance work?
That depends. But quite possibly. Go ahead and ask me. I'll consider most areas of writing, from magazine articles to t-shirts. And I'm a bit of a drama whore too. Contact me with your proposal.
Can I offer you a full time job?
You can offer me one, yes. I might even accept it. Let's face it, I'm not above working for minimum wage.
What's your star sign?
I don't believe in astrology. Which makes me a typical Leo.
Can I link to you?
You can, you should, you must. Do it now. And when you've done it, let me know. For maximum satisfaction, point your link at www.philgardner.net, although if you have good reason, you may also link directly to a specific page (there seems to be a bizarre fascination with my depression page, so if that's your interest, link straight to it).
Are you available for children's parties?
No, but I know a man who is.
We're a local drummer and bassist looking for a singer/guitarist/songwriter to complete our line-up for a nationwide tour. Will you join us?
Ok then.
Is that really a frequently asked question?
Um...
What are your hopes for the future?
Well I'd like to think John Magnier would buy me a racehorse. That's about it really.
Would you like fries with that?
If I'd wanted fries, I'd have asked for them. Oh, on second thoughts, yes.
