There was a time a few years ago when just about the only skill I still possessed was that of sitting down with my eyes open. Films became my life, and I saw well over a thousand of them on video in the space of two years. I like a wide range of films, but I can't tolerate a movie with a bad script, so I have a natural leaning towards films in which good lines of dialogue outnumber explosions, and the actors are more talented than the stuntmen. As a result, a lot of my favourite movies are low budget independent productions, or little known box office flops. So rather than becoming the millionth person on the internet to extol the virtues of Star Wars, I'm going to wallow in the more obscure end of the market... |
©
Phil Gardner 2003. |
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Motorama (1991) Directed by Barry Shils Written by Joseph Minion Starring: Jordan Christopher Michael |
This was written by Joseph Minion, who wrote the Martin Scorsese film 'After Hours'. It's a similarly surreal movie, and in my opinion a far better one, but without a big name director it went by virtually unnoticed. The story concerns Gus, a 10 year old boy, as he travels alone across the country in a red Mustang, collecting gas station cards along the way, in an attempt to win the 'Motorama' contest with a prize of 500 million dollars. I've seen a couple of reviews which see no further than that, and seem to think it's a simple road movie about a runaway boy. Believe me, nothing could be further from the truth. This is the most imaginatively surreal film I've ever seen. Watching it is a game in itself, trying to spot the 'unreal' elements, and connecting seemingly unrelated events. For a start, no one who meets Gus in the film seem to realise he's just a boy. No one uses real money. None of the states he drives through actually exist. After a car crash, Gus's hair turns grey, and towards the end of the film, he appears to be growing stubble. This is a movie firmly rooted in an alternate reality, and half the fun is trying to understand it. But it's not surreal just for the sake of it. You get the feeling that everything you see has meaning, and with repeated viewings you gradually piece together more of the puzzle. It's also interesting in that Jordan Christopher Michael is the only star. Other actors, including Drew Barrymore, Meatloaf, Flea, John Diehl and Martha Quinn, have little more than cameos. Motorama is right up there at the top of the list of films I wish I'd written, not so much because it contains scintillating dialogue or witty one-liners, but simply because it came out of the kind of brilliantly original imagination I'd love to have. |
Favourite Lines Motorama isn't really a movie of favourite lines, it's a movie of favourite moments - a category in which I could place just about every scene of the film. Lines of dialogue don't really work outside the context of the movie, but for what it's worth, here are a few. Motel Owner: I forgot to tell you... if you catch any squirrels, give 'em to me. Daryl: The trespasser crosses across the grass and little machine guns come out of the dalmatian statues, and they hone in on the intruder with radar. Wife: That's ingenious. Are you getting a raise? Daryl: Of course. As soon as I've finished the blueprint. Thank God, according to the gun laws, we can use real bullets. Wife: Thank God. Gus: Are you alive? Dying Man: All I need is the R. If I die, put it on my gravestone that all he needed was the R. Ralphie, Roddick, Rosemary, Reggie - I named all my kids with R names, hoping God would answer my prayers. You got any kids? It don't work to give 'em R names. Gus: But I got all the letters. I got all the letters! Miss Lawton: Well that's something isn't it? Good boy! Now you should be very proud of that. Why don't you think about it that way. Gus: Good boy? Are you kidding me? You think I came all this way for "Good Boy"?? |
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1995) Directed by Jim Mallon Written by Michael J. Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Jim Mallon, Kevin Murphy, Mary Jo Pehl, Paul Chaplin, Bridget Jones Starring: Michael J. Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Kevin Murphy, Jim Mallon |
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Jump straight to a film: |
Favourite Lines - Oh yeah, this was when science didn't have to have any specific purpose. Cal: Lowering the cylinder... - Inserting the breakfast pastry... - Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around. Joe: Here's something my wife could use in the house. - A man? Joe: An interrossiter incorporating an electron sorter. Cal: Oh she'd probably gain twenty pounds while they fit all the work for it. - Cal, you bitch! Joe: You know what my kids would say? - You're not our real father! - Now let's slip away under cover of afternoon in the biggest car in the county. Exeter: To a planet named Metaluna... - Well, I never met a luna I didn't like. Exeter: Place your hands above the rails - they're magnetised. - And if your hands were metal, that would mean something. - It looks like Dr Seuss designed their planet. Exeter: The temperature must be thousands of degrees by now. - Cooler by the lake. Exeter: A lifeless planet. And yet - - Rents are reasonable. |
This is such a stupidly simple idea for a movie, but one which works brilliantly. Put simply, the film makers show the 1950s sci-fi movie 'This Island Earth', while three characters sit and make amusing and sarcastic comments about what's happening on screen. That's it. It's the movie equivalent of sitting in a cinema behind a group of people who talk constantly, but the difference here is that it's genuinely funny. There's an attempt to fill out the movie by having a 'story' in which the characters are on a spaceship, being shown old b-movies in an attempt to break their spirit, but ultimately that's just window-dressing. The real film exists purely in the movie theatre scenes. It may not be the most sophisticated comedy in the world, but in terms of sheer laughs, it's one of my favourites. My only frustration is that it wasn't a hit, because, with the almost limitless supply of material for sequels, we could by now have an entire library of Mystery Science Theater movies out there. It's an idea which deserved more than one outing. |
Favourite Lines Max: I've never met a freak I didn't like. Max: Don't know what you're doing and you'll appreciate more if you get anything out of it. Young Adolf: Father, I cannot tell a lie. The Jews did it. Max: It had a message, but I don't believe in message movies too much. I believe give 'em what they want - a lot of filth. Dad: Listen kids, that's what this country's all about - the freedom of choice. If the jew boys want to stick up for the niggers, that's their right under our constitution. Son: Jeepers Pop, you always know the right things to say. What a guy. Mom: That's because Father knows beaver. |
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That's Adequate (1990) Written & directed by Harry Hurwitz Starring: James Coco, Tony Randall, Jerry Stiller |
This is a wonderfully tasteless mock documentary charting sixty years in the life of Adequate Pictures, a fictional Hollywood film studio, which churns out movies with titles such as 'Slut of the South', 'Throbbing Sands', 'Singing in the Synagogue' and 'Blood and Guts', plus failed TV pilots like the domestic drama 'Father Knows Beaver'. It's perhaps too offensive for mainstream audiences, choosing to cover such subjects as death, cannibalism, racism, pornography and Nazi propaganda (I dread to think what visitors I'm going to get from search engines after writing a sentence like that). But for me, its lack of taste is one of its major assets. I don't go for offensive humour per se, and certainly not humour whose only purpose is to shock, but I like comedy with a bit of bite, and which isn't afraid to push the boundaries a little. 'That's Adequate' is somewhat tasteless at times, but I don't find it offensive in the least, for one reason - it's consistently funny and has genuine wit. It also features a number of cameos, most notably Bruce Willis discussing his role as a Shetland pony, Robert Downey Jr as Einstein on the Bounty, Robert Vaughn as Hitler, and the screenwriter Marshall Brickman, who has some wonderful lines as himself. Harry Hurwitz sadly died five years after making this film. He directed one more movie before his death, but tragically 'That's Adequate' was the last film he ever wrote. At least he went out on a high. |
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The Immortals |