Hello. You're not from around here, are you? My name's Phil, I'm 42 and I live in the UK city of Brighton. Although I grew up in Basildon, so I've known the nature of suffering. Having spent countless years writing wrongs, correcting spelling mistakes, marketing products and dealing drugs*, I now look into the eyes of the great British public and wrangle retinas across the UK in various eye screening capacities. Click on the links to the right to drag up my past as a writer, visit my other sites, or send me an e-mail. You can hassle my family below.
2002 - 2016 by Phil Gardner. All Rights Reserved.
Ophthalmology info, childcare tips, sound and sage advice - you'll be lucky to find any of them here. But Mulled Whines, my regular blog, has been going for more than eight years and runs to three quarters of a million words, so there's a lot of something in there. Mostly bad puns and pictures of me looking stupid, but even so.
Wife, mother, consumer of crisps, or as I like to call her, the human sat-nav. Lisa is all of these things and more. She's also the only woman ever to agree to marry me. You can read the unlikely story of our relationship here.
The most important thing when considering whether to bring a new life into this world is to check that the website address is available. I'd registered AmelieGardner.com before Lisa had even felt her kicking.
*working in a hospital pharmacy, obviously.
My only begotten son, and the sole male heir to the Gardner family fortune. Assuming he can find it down the back of the sofa and make it up to the minimum specified amount that a high street bank will accept.